As I mentioned previously, Justin and I decided to get married before we officially got engaged. Since I had always wanted a fall wedding and we didn't want to wait 2 years, we knew we had to get started immediately.I want to preface this blog by saying that I always knew planning my wedding would be a pain in the ass. I know that it's a struggle to make everyone happy and stay in budget and get everything done in time. I'm not really materialistic though. I don't believe it's all about the bride. I don't care about a lot of the details. And we have no money so I kind of figured planning wouldn't be so bad. Apparently, no amount of "laid back" attitude makes the process any easier. So here are the struggles I've faced so far, and keep in mind I still have a lonnnng way to go.
The Ring
It was really important to Justin to do an actual real proposal even though I was a sure thing. Since he wasn't financially prepared to do that, and we wanted to look at venues, we went to Kohl's and bought me a $10 fake ring to wear. Except, once it was on my finger, it made us both sad when I took it off. Consequently, I never took it off and people started complimenting it everywhere I went. I would have been fine wearing it forever but after only 3 weeks the metal started turning pink. We realized we'd have to buy a ton of these rings to keep the charade up long term. He told me he'd buy the real ring when he got his tax return and I found some affordable rings on groupon. However, once we chose our hall and church, we realized that it really wasn't cost effective to buy a real ring right now. I told him it was more important to me that we get married than I have a real diamond. We went back to the store and bought a duplicate fake ring that he kept for his proposal. A couple of weeks later, he proposed properly and gave me the new fake ring. The next day while we were updating our Macy's registry, he applied for a Macy's card and was approved. Immediately we went downstairs and he bought me a real ring. I was against it but I could tell he really felt bad about the fake one. At least it was real gold so it wouldn't change color. The only issue was that it was way too big and they wanted to charge us $45 and send the ring out for 6 weeks to resize it. We decided to do it on our own. I got a ring guard from mom and all was well. 5 weeks later I look down at my ring and see that the guard had fallen off and the ring was bent badly. We took it back to Macy's and the fine jewelry manager was extremely rude and told us we should have gotten the extended warranty (which cost half the price of the ring). We brought it to the Jewelry Hospital. They were very nice and resized it in one day for $38. So. WTF with Macy's??? I plan to write an email to someone in corporate. At least now I have my ring back.
My Family
The first time I told my mom we were getting married she informed me I was ruining the family plan for a disney vacation in the fall. The second time we discussed it she asked if I was doing it to get out of her house faster. My brothers responded that I was making another bad decision and I didn't know what I was doing. They made fun of me behind my back. Because of all of their behavior and since they knew already, when he officially proposed, we announced our engagement on facebook. My whole family was upset. They wanted personal phone calls or visits about it. Really??? They've done nothing but question my decision making abilities, scoff at my relationship, and complain about not having enough time to prepare. Why would I want to damper the moment by talking to any of them?
When planning the budget I asked my mom how much money they intended to give towards the wedding. Her first response was $5k. Perfect. Her response a few weeks later was $4k. When I asked if part of that could go to my dress she said they didn't have any money. She came back to me a few days later saying they would charge it. So, now, it seems the money they are giving me isn't until the actual wedding day, which is no help at all. We need the money to make the wedding possible. It's gonna be a rough 9 months.
Wedding Party
I wanted a small wedding party. I don't have a lot of friends that have stuck around and been decent to me for a long time. Justin wanted a bigger wedding party. We compromised and have 6 each. Our brothers and sisters make up 4 for each side. Then he had to debate his friends. This aggravated me. He was worried so much about hurting feelings and asking people he knew couldn't handle it. In the end, I think he made the right choices. I asked one of my oldest and dearest friends, but her husband is in the military and they are moving during the summer. Her being a bridesmaid is completely dependent on where they move to which they won't know for at least a few more weeks. So I sit and wait. If she can't do it, I'll be absolutely devastated as I've known I wanted her in my wedding for at least 10 years. And my last bridesmaid, I haven't even been able to ask yet because I don't have the gas to go see her and she doesn't have the need to come out here and see me. This is something I'd hoped to be done with by early January and now I'll be lucky to have it finalized by March which is rough bc bridesmaid dresses have to be ordered around then. Not that I have them picked out....Lori (my sister in law and matron of honor) wants to try them on before deciding and she never has free time without her children. To say I'm getting impatient is an understatement.
The Church
This was the biggest headache of all. He wanted to get married in his church. No problem. $750 for the service and $400 for the musician whether you use them or not. Nope. We started contacting all the churches in the area. We went to one rectory and half hour before they should be closed their door was locked. Another church was $1k. In desperation I called my church (which is essentially a dead parrish). They were only $400 which is awesome. However, they reserve Sundays for baptisms and although this was a year in advance, they wouldn't move it. The really sad part was that the person in charge was a family friend for about 20 years and he didn't even congratulate me. Fuck you St. Frances. In the end we went to St. Marks. We'd both been there beere before and liked it. It was $750 altogether and they refuse to do a mass because "it's a Sunday. We do enough masses", but at that point I was one step away from just getting married in the venue. We luckily got in a precana class right away and as of last week, we are done with it.
The Venue
This was the most enjoyable and easy process. We saw about 7 venues. We loved 2 of them and were debating between them. But then we went to Watermill. We had heard it was really expensive and were contemplating canceling the meeting but went for the fun of it. However, they showed us a package in our price range and offered us the bigger ballroom for the same price and we had to take it. Slightly more expensive overall but by far the most beautiful.
The Dress
This was also fairly easy after a small bump in the beginning. When we first got engaged I was excited bc I worked in a bridal boutique and was entitled to a 40% discount. I first tried on ballgowns and A-line princess dresses but those all made me look fat. My co worker made me try a totally different type of dress and I was shocked how much I loved it. I looked at the price and calculated 40%. Done. However, when I discussed it with the owner, she wouldn't commit to the price. She eventually told the manager 30% was all I'd get. Too expensive. Fine. Fuck that place. When I went dress shopping a month later with Mom and Lori, I was getting discouraged that I wouldn't find something like it. But then. Lori pulled a dress for me at Estelle's and it was perfection. I mean it. It was the color, material, and cut that I wanted and to top it off, the size fit perfectly. No alterations required. Slightly over budget though so we didn't buy it there. I went online and looked up the designer's local trunk shows. Found one nearby and booked the appointment. We went a few days ago and ordered the dress. 10% off. And if my bridesmaids get their dresses there they'll get $20 off. Done.
Honestly, I'm thrilled that we have as much done as we do. The biggest struggle now is coming up with the money for everything. Justin alternates between being totally relaxed about it and freaking out. I wish he'd pick a middle ground and stick to it. But that's a whole other blog.
The Ring
It was really important to Justin to do an actual real proposal even though I was a sure thing. Since he wasn't financially prepared to do that, and we wanted to look at venues, we went to Kohl's and bought me a $10 fake ring to wear. Except, once it was on my finger, it made us both sad when I took it off. Consequently, I never took it off and people started complimenting it everywhere I went. I would have been fine wearing it forever but after only 3 weeks the metal started turning pink. We realized we'd have to buy a ton of these rings to keep the charade up long term. He told me he'd buy the real ring when he got his tax return and I found some affordable rings on groupon. However, once we chose our hall and church, we realized that it really wasn't cost effective to buy a real ring right now. I told him it was more important to me that we get married than I have a real diamond. We went back to the store and bought a duplicate fake ring that he kept for his proposal. A couple of weeks later, he proposed properly and gave me the new fake ring. The next day while we were updating our Macy's registry, he applied for a Macy's card and was approved. Immediately we went downstairs and he bought me a real ring. I was against it but I could tell he really felt bad about the fake one. At least it was real gold so it wouldn't change color. The only issue was that it was way too big and they wanted to charge us $45 and send the ring out for 6 weeks to resize it. We decided to do it on our own. I got a ring guard from mom and all was well. 5 weeks later I look down at my ring and see that the guard had fallen off and the ring was bent badly. We took it back to Macy's and the fine jewelry manager was extremely rude and told us we should have gotten the extended warranty (which cost half the price of the ring). We brought it to the Jewelry Hospital. They were very nice and resized it in one day for $38. So. WTF with Macy's??? I plan to write an email to someone in corporate. At least now I have my ring back.
My Family
The first time I told my mom we were getting married she informed me I was ruining the family plan for a disney vacation in the fall. The second time we discussed it she asked if I was doing it to get out of her house faster. My brothers responded that I was making another bad decision and I didn't know what I was doing. They made fun of me behind my back. Because of all of their behavior and since they knew already, when he officially proposed, we announced our engagement on facebook. My whole family was upset. They wanted personal phone calls or visits about it. Really??? They've done nothing but question my decision making abilities, scoff at my relationship, and complain about not having enough time to prepare. Why would I want to damper the moment by talking to any of them?
When planning the budget I asked my mom how much money they intended to give towards the wedding. Her first response was $5k. Perfect. Her response a few weeks later was $4k. When I asked if part of that could go to my dress she said they didn't have any money. She came back to me a few days later saying they would charge it. So, now, it seems the money they are giving me isn't until the actual wedding day, which is no help at all. We need the money to make the wedding possible. It's gonna be a rough 9 months.
Wedding Party
I wanted a small wedding party. I don't have a lot of friends that have stuck around and been decent to me for a long time. Justin wanted a bigger wedding party. We compromised and have 6 each. Our brothers and sisters make up 4 for each side. Then he had to debate his friends. This aggravated me. He was worried so much about hurting feelings and asking people he knew couldn't handle it. In the end, I think he made the right choices. I asked one of my oldest and dearest friends, but her husband is in the military and they are moving during the summer. Her being a bridesmaid is completely dependent on where they move to which they won't know for at least a few more weeks. So I sit and wait. If she can't do it, I'll be absolutely devastated as I've known I wanted her in my wedding for at least 10 years. And my last bridesmaid, I haven't even been able to ask yet because I don't have the gas to go see her and she doesn't have the need to come out here and see me. This is something I'd hoped to be done with by early January and now I'll be lucky to have it finalized by March which is rough bc bridesmaid dresses have to be ordered around then. Not that I have them picked out....Lori (my sister in law and matron of honor) wants to try them on before deciding and she never has free time without her children. To say I'm getting impatient is an understatement.
The Church
This was the biggest headache of all. He wanted to get married in his church. No problem. $750 for the service and $400 for the musician whether you use them or not. Nope. We started contacting all the churches in the area. We went to one rectory and half hour before they should be closed their door was locked. Another church was $1k. In desperation I called my church (which is essentially a dead parrish). They were only $400 which is awesome. However, they reserve Sundays for baptisms and although this was a year in advance, they wouldn't move it. The really sad part was that the person in charge was a family friend for about 20 years and he didn't even congratulate me. Fuck you St. Frances. In the end we went to St. Marks. We'd both been there beere before and liked it. It was $750 altogether and they refuse to do a mass because "it's a Sunday. We do enough masses", but at that point I was one step away from just getting married in the venue. We luckily got in a precana class right away and as of last week, we are done with it.
The Venue
This was the most enjoyable and easy process. We saw about 7 venues. We loved 2 of them and were debating between them. But then we went to Watermill. We had heard it was really expensive and were contemplating canceling the meeting but went for the fun of it. However, they showed us a package in our price range and offered us the bigger ballroom for the same price and we had to take it. Slightly more expensive overall but by far the most beautiful.
The Dress
This was also fairly easy after a small bump in the beginning. When we first got engaged I was excited bc I worked in a bridal boutique and was entitled to a 40% discount. I first tried on ballgowns and A-line princess dresses but those all made me look fat. My co worker made me try a totally different type of dress and I was shocked how much I loved it. I looked at the price and calculated 40%. Done. However, when I discussed it with the owner, she wouldn't commit to the price. She eventually told the manager 30% was all I'd get. Too expensive. Fine. Fuck that place. When I went dress shopping a month later with Mom and Lori, I was getting discouraged that I wouldn't find something like it. But then. Lori pulled a dress for me at Estelle's and it was perfection. I mean it. It was the color, material, and cut that I wanted and to top it off, the size fit perfectly. No alterations required. Slightly over budget though so we didn't buy it there. I went online and looked up the designer's local trunk shows. Found one nearby and booked the appointment. We went a few days ago and ordered the dress. 10% off. And if my bridesmaids get their dresses there they'll get $20 off. Done.
Honestly, I'm thrilled that we have as much done as we do. The biggest struggle now is coming up with the money for everything. Justin alternates between being totally relaxed about it and freaking out. I wish he'd pick a middle ground and stick to it. But that's a whole other blog.