Since I got back from Florida, I spent the first 11 days working at a local florist to help prepare for Mother's Day. Of course, because I'm an old lady, I had to take 3-6 pain killers each day I worked because my joints were pissed at me for standing all day. There were 2 days when I repeated the routine of "squat, pick up flowers, stand, walk 20 feet, squat, put down flowers" for about 4 hours. I was younger than 75% of the women who worked there and taller than probably 90% which meant that if there was any squatting in the fridge or reaching up high in the fridge, I was the girl for that job. I managed to skip winter altogether but came back to NY only to spend hours each day in a 50 degree refrigerator. Despite the cold, and my angry muscles and joints, and the fact that I was constantly making myself bleed from industrial staples and rose thorns, it was actually quite a fun job. I made sure to tell them that I'd love to work whenever they need me to. Apparently they all found me entertaining and were very sad to see me go. I'm not sure if it was my work ethic or the fact that I sang both the Wonder Pets theme song as well as rapped every word to Baby Got Back for them.
When my time at that job finally ended, it was time for me to see people I've missed for the last 8 months. I spent Wednesday with Lori, Mak, and Sierra. Makenna called me a "sassy-pants" in Target and then helped me pick out beer, much to the amusement of other shoppers. When Blaise got off the school bus, I heard him screaming my name all the way down the block. Man, that kid is sweet. On Thursday, I brought my parents to the airport and then spent the evening with my friend Victoria who lives in Queens. I was supposed to sleep over but couldn't fall asleep and ended up sneaking out like a one night stand. I have a bad habit of doing that to people. Friday, I went to visit with one of my favorite people in the world, Taryn, and her mother, Mama Sue. Once we get to talking, the time just flies. I left there around 2:00am. And finally, today, I went to the movies with my friend, Crystal. This is where the crazy comes in.
After the movie, we were catching up in the parking lot and eventually decided to just sit in the back of her pick up truck since there were no benches and it was a nice day out. She happened to be parked right across from a bar and grill. We're having a long discussion about sewing and costumes and puppets. She's telling me an issue she had with her sewing machine. I'm telling her possible causes. This wasn't a particularly deep conversation. This guy, who'd been standing outside the bar for a while, starts loudly mocking us. He's using a ditzy "valley girl" voice and just going on and on about how silly we sound. At first we tried to continue out conversation but he was so obnoxiously loud we couldn't even hear each other. So we asked him what his problem was. He said he was showing us how the world views us. He said I was so clearly a feminist liberal that had a thing with a professor in college and am also racist. Apparently all this was super clear to see because I had my legs crossed and I was wearing sunglasses. He said Crystal clearly had low self esteem and didn't really know what she was doing or talking about and I was counseling her. I was like, "Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about. How about you mind your own business and let us get back to our conversation". He, unfortunately, did not. He went back to his rambling in the offensive girl voice. He was so loud that other people were stopping to look at him. I noticed a guy working in the chiropractor's office next to the bar standing at the door with it cracked open, watching. I gave him a wave and he waved back. Another man came out of the bar for a smoke and kept looking over at us with amusement. There was also a guy in the car next to us keeping an eye on the situation. We were mostly concerned because there was a group of kids a few doors down outside the Dunkin Donuts. Anyway, after us going back and forth with him trying to get him to shut his pie-hole, he thinks it's a good idea to come over to us. He finally lowers his voice and says something like, "I'm just trying to show you what people see when they hear you and look at you". I told him I don't give a shit what he's trying to do, he doesn't know anything and he needs to mind his business. Crystal told him she had no desire to listen to the ramblings of a guy who's shitfaced at 2 in the afternoon. He said it was so easy to figure us out. He said he could tell exactly who we were in 30 seconds. I informed him that I'm a Catholic Republican, instead of the feminist liberal he kept calling me. He said I was wrong, I just didn't know what that meant. (lol) He started getting closer and I was not comfortable with that at all. He ended up spilling his food on Crystal and she started to get pissed. She got up to get napkins from inside her truck. He got closer to me and gestured to me. He was maybe a couple inches from touching me. I told him he needed to back the fuck up. He smiled as he took a baby step back. When he reached towards me again, Crystal pulled out her phone and dialed 911. The dude booked it across the street. While she was talking to the operator, he accosted some guy leaving Dunkin and tried to get in the car. The guy pushed him away and drove off. So Mr. Drunk Asshole walked quickly the other direction. At this point the men that had been watching all came out to see if we were ok. Apparently the guy from the chiropractor's office had called the cops as well and the guy from the bar told the manager that this guy was outside causing trouble. The cops never showed up, of course, but after a few minutes some woman in a white car picked up the drunk man and they left.
I know when I tell anyone I attract crazy people, they think I'm either exaggerating or I bring it upon myself. If this incident proves anything, it's that I have no control over it. They just find me. I was sitting in the back of a truck telling a friend how to sew through foam and that got me verbally attacked by a complete stranger. Apparently my crazy magnet is getting stronger. Luckily, I wasn't alone. Crystal (who constantly refers to my daintiness) said if he had touched me she would have knocked him out, and I believe she could have. I also know, none of the guys watching would have let this guy actually hurt us. People wonder why I don't like to go out and meet people. These are the sorts of people that seek me out. And they aren't always the obvious crazy like Mr. Drunk Asshole. *Sigh* Just another day in the absurd life of Aimee.
When my time at that job finally ended, it was time for me to see people I've missed for the last 8 months. I spent Wednesday with Lori, Mak, and Sierra. Makenna called me a "sassy-pants" in Target and then helped me pick out beer, much to the amusement of other shoppers. When Blaise got off the school bus, I heard him screaming my name all the way down the block. Man, that kid is sweet. On Thursday, I brought my parents to the airport and then spent the evening with my friend Victoria who lives in Queens. I was supposed to sleep over but couldn't fall asleep and ended up sneaking out like a one night stand. I have a bad habit of doing that to people. Friday, I went to visit with one of my favorite people in the world, Taryn, and her mother, Mama Sue. Once we get to talking, the time just flies. I left there around 2:00am. And finally, today, I went to the movies with my friend, Crystal. This is where the crazy comes in.
After the movie, we were catching up in the parking lot and eventually decided to just sit in the back of her pick up truck since there were no benches and it was a nice day out. She happened to be parked right across from a bar and grill. We're having a long discussion about sewing and costumes and puppets. She's telling me an issue she had with her sewing machine. I'm telling her possible causes. This wasn't a particularly deep conversation. This guy, who'd been standing outside the bar for a while, starts loudly mocking us. He's using a ditzy "valley girl" voice and just going on and on about how silly we sound. At first we tried to continue out conversation but he was so obnoxiously loud we couldn't even hear each other. So we asked him what his problem was. He said he was showing us how the world views us. He said I was so clearly a feminist liberal that had a thing with a professor in college and am also racist. Apparently all this was super clear to see because I had my legs crossed and I was wearing sunglasses. He said Crystal clearly had low self esteem and didn't really know what she was doing or talking about and I was counseling her. I was like, "Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about. How about you mind your own business and let us get back to our conversation". He, unfortunately, did not. He went back to his rambling in the offensive girl voice. He was so loud that other people were stopping to look at him. I noticed a guy working in the chiropractor's office next to the bar standing at the door with it cracked open, watching. I gave him a wave and he waved back. Another man came out of the bar for a smoke and kept looking over at us with amusement. There was also a guy in the car next to us keeping an eye on the situation. We were mostly concerned because there was a group of kids a few doors down outside the Dunkin Donuts. Anyway, after us going back and forth with him trying to get him to shut his pie-hole, he thinks it's a good idea to come over to us. He finally lowers his voice and says something like, "I'm just trying to show you what people see when they hear you and look at you". I told him I don't give a shit what he's trying to do, he doesn't know anything and he needs to mind his business. Crystal told him she had no desire to listen to the ramblings of a guy who's shitfaced at 2 in the afternoon. He said it was so easy to figure us out. He said he could tell exactly who we were in 30 seconds. I informed him that I'm a Catholic Republican, instead of the feminist liberal he kept calling me. He said I was wrong, I just didn't know what that meant. (lol) He started getting closer and I was not comfortable with that at all. He ended up spilling his food on Crystal and she started to get pissed. She got up to get napkins from inside her truck. He got closer to me and gestured to me. He was maybe a couple inches from touching me. I told him he needed to back the fuck up. He smiled as he took a baby step back. When he reached towards me again, Crystal pulled out her phone and dialed 911. The dude booked it across the street. While she was talking to the operator, he accosted some guy leaving Dunkin and tried to get in the car. The guy pushed him away and drove off. So Mr. Drunk Asshole walked quickly the other direction. At this point the men that had been watching all came out to see if we were ok. Apparently the guy from the chiropractor's office had called the cops as well and the guy from the bar told the manager that this guy was outside causing trouble. The cops never showed up, of course, but after a few minutes some woman in a white car picked up the drunk man and they left.
I know when I tell anyone I attract crazy people, they think I'm either exaggerating or I bring it upon myself. If this incident proves anything, it's that I have no control over it. They just find me. I was sitting in the back of a truck telling a friend how to sew through foam and that got me verbally attacked by a complete stranger. Apparently my crazy magnet is getting stronger. Luckily, I wasn't alone. Crystal (who constantly refers to my daintiness) said if he had touched me she would have knocked him out, and I believe she could have. I also know, none of the guys watching would have let this guy actually hurt us. People wonder why I don't like to go out and meet people. These are the sorts of people that seek me out. And they aren't always the obvious crazy like Mr. Drunk Asshole. *Sigh* Just another day in the absurd life of Aimee.